Sunday, March 27, 2005
been thrown into a rather bad emotional turmoil. not one of the worst but taking rather long.
like, i feel like i need to do more good. like going to volunteer and i'm looking into it. thinking of either mercy relief(overseas CIP) or NVPC(national volunteer and philantrophy center). like suddenly, i haf a calling. haha. ok la, sth close but not tt exaggerated. but suddenly, i just wanna help. does anyone wanna join me? if my timetable permits. just checked out NVPC and i think maybe i shud tutor pri sch kids.
and getting morbid tots. like if only my death could help atone for any bad karma headed for my frens and family. like some sort of sacrifice. not tt i'm going to kill myself. but tt if anything happens, i'd rather it be me. of coz, i just dowan it to be anything of the supernatural kind, diseases/illnesses, and nothing physical pain or financial probs. haha. just dowan anything to affect my family financially.
another thing i've always been thinking abt is what/who will happen/be there at my funeral. hah. i dowan anyone to be sad. of coz, its nice budden i'd rather memories be erased. weird me, huh? dunno. getting rather cynical and jaded. tired. so tired of everything. (NO, I'M NOT GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE)
i find tt i'm too emotional sometimes. and more often than not, i cause myself to be upset. its like, i ought to be upset abt this so i'm upset. hah. budden again, i think i'm strong. or maybe not. laughing off the insults thrown at me, it just serves like a shell to protect me from it all. sorta like running away. once in a while, i get down thinking abt it. budden, i eventually snap out of it.
ah. wateva. starting to crap. shall end here. u guys have fun! meanwhile, i need to find a way to skip sch tmr.
auturmis left his footprints at 10:06 PM
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